Wanting

There is a lot of talk about greed these days. Average people get turned off by individuals who own not one but TWO airplanes. Some people live on the street, while others own seven houses. Politicians toss around statements like, “I’ll bet you ten thousand dollars…” Huh?

We recognize that kind of greed. Greed toward money and belongings. And some of us are filled with envy because we want it too. Some of us seem to think that the American dream means we can have all that, if we work hard. That is the way the greedy keep us from tyranny, to tell us we can be as successful as they are.

There are other forms of greed that we don’t necessarily recognize as easily. I love to travel. I wish I were traveling all the time. Right now, my heart wants to be somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea. I want to be soaking up the sun. I want to be away from all my responsibilities. I want… well, I want.

When we want something, we need to examine that thought. Wanting is our signal that greed is involved. Greed is wanting something that we don’t have. We want something we don’t have, to fill a hole inside us, that little place that says, I am not enough. Not “this” is not enough, but “I” am not enough.

Several years ago, I was going through one of my transformations in life. I was struggling with it. I wanted to be the best wife. I wanted to be the best mother. I wanted to be the best teacher. I wanted to be in the best shape. I wanted to be more spiritual. I wanted to be… well, perfect! You can see why such a big transformation would be difficult. I decided to work through it with counseling. At that first session, the therapist pointed out that I had a hole inside me that I was trying to fill. That I wasn’t happy with just being me. I needed to appreciate myself for who I am.  I even had homework. I was supposed to take a half a day a week, just to spend time alone, doing something I enjoy. Appreciating who I am, and what I am capable of doing.

When we find ourselves “wanting,” we need to stop and ask ourselves, what hole are we trying to fill? We need to start giving ourselves time alone to do something we enjoy.

I still have that desire to travel. When I am wanting more travel in my life, I have to make a list of the trips I have planned on my calendar. But I also need to explore this “wanting” even more. Is it time for another transformation?

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