This morning, while preparing for a yoga class I’ll be teaching later in the day, I was looking over my notes on the second chakra. The chakra of movement, of fluidity. Also, the chakra of letting go.
Ah ha! There is my lesson! I have been working through the process of letting go for the past few years. As I watched my boys get older, I knew that I had to begin letting them go, allowing them to mold into their own adult beings. The process had taken on an intensity as they finished up their junior high school years and went on to the senio rhigh school. And as graduation neared, I realized I still had so much letting go to do.
Not to suggest that I was an overly controlling mother, but let’s just say that my profession was an elementary teacher, and so my kids grew up in an environment where everything was a learning opportunity. Yes, I realize that I was controlling, but I have convinced myself that it was in a nice way. LOL
So, as the boys entered the high school, I really kicked into gear the whole process of “letting go.” I intensified my yoga practice. Even became a yoga teacher. I retired from the classroom, allowing myself to change my schedule and change my lifestyle. Letting go… It was hardwork, and I thought I had done a good job of it. Until my older son’sgraduation.
Shortly after his graduation, I developed ulcerative colitis. I went through all of the testing, and this was the diagnosis. I was treated for it, and after 3 months, I was in remission. Ahhh, thank God! I decided it was the stress of the graduation and the party. Also the stress of getting my younger son into summer school, since he had failed some classes in his junior year due to an undiagnosed reading and writing disability. And so life went on. The older one started college in the fall, and the younger one continued to struggle through high school the entire next year, his senior year. I had to do much letting go, as I could not help him, even though I wished so hard that I could. Let go, let go, let go…
And then his graduation came up, and the ulcerative colitis came back. Hey wait, I thought. We had accomplished the goal. He had graduated. Enough. I could finally let go of that whole parenting thing. Over four months later, I still have the ulcerative colitis. The prescribed medicine works to get rid of the symptoms, but as soon as the dosage is completed, the colitis comes back. So I began a wholistic approach to treating the colitis: watching my diet, prebiotics, probiotics,increase vitamins, add fiber. And it’s still here.
Did I forget to mention that I teach yoga? Twelve classes a week, to be specific. And yoga is so good for digestive issues. All those bends, those twists. And yet, here I am. Running to the bathroom 20 times a day (I am not sure whether that is accurate or not, but it surely seems that often.) What to do?
And then this morning, I am reading my notes regarding the second chakra. The chakra of movement and fluidity. That place where we store our emotions and feelings. Bingo! “The place where we store our emotions and feelings.” There is where my healing journey begins.
And so I begin anew the letting go process, and I open myself up to the larger prospect of healing for my feelings and emotions. I’ll see where that leads me. I continue the journey of life, and see what lessons this colitis thing has in store for me.
And I think I’ll make an appointment for acupuncture tomorrow…