Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a yoga therapy session that is a one on one experience. A friend had told me about it. I am still processing the whole thing, which is typical for therapy. 🙂 But I do have one aspect from the session that I am reflecting on today.
I have gone through therapy a couple other times in my life. One time was Reiki therapy, which was very helpful. The next time was more traditional therapy with a psychotherapist, which was also extremely helpful. Those times, I was seeking out therapy; this time it came to me, and I wasn’t really expecting to resolve anything therapeutic. However, apparently there is still that same “old” issue that came out for me during the session.
I should explain a bit about Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. The yoga aspect of the class is mostly restorative yoga. The teacher’s role for therapy is to mirror the participant’s thoughts and words, encouraging you to share more when no words come. She does this by calling attention to your physical body and the feelings you experience in your body, and then encouraging you to connect these physical feelings to other thoughts and feelings that come to mind. The therapy session moves very subtly from one pose and thought to another, with a time for reflection at the end of the session.
The issue that always comes out for me is that surrounding my dad’s dying when I was a child. I was enjoying the yoga experience, with no expectations. I had gone there thinking I might “learn” something as a wellness consultant, but right away Michelle asked me to totally immerse myself as a participant and take the time, later on, to reflect on the experience as a teacher. That was most helpful. So, I let go and just let her guide me through the experience.
I won’t go into the minute details of the session, but at one point, I suddenly felt a sense of needing “protection.” I have never used that term to describe my experiences from childhood, and she asked me to elaborate on that. I was having a feeling of aggressiveness, like I needed to protect myself. Again, “aggressiveness” is not a term that I would use to describe myself or my childhood experiences either. Upon exploring this some more, I came to understand that I had dug into another level of “trusting.” Ah, now THAT term is familiar to me!
To make a long story short, I was eight when my dad died from leukemia. He was ill for nearly two years. During that time, we were praying for a miracle, as all good Christians would do. However, when he died, I was shocked that we hadn’t gotten our miracle. I thought we would. I had FAITH that we would get our miracle. So my world was totally rocked off kilter when Mom told us Dad had died.
And apparently, from that point forward, my level to trust was shaken. And that has been the issue that keeps coming up for me in therapy and in my life experiences. I had to laugh during the session, as I said to Michelle, not THIS again!
So this issue of trust has come up for me again, and it is causing me some reflection. This is what I am gathering: we all have an issue, or issues, that we probably don’t resolve in this lifetime. It is our issue that makes us who we are. The issue that defines us as we grow older. It is the issue that serves as our lesson in life. It is character-building. It is our Soul’s Purpose. There is no blame for the experiences we had nor blame for those who presented them to us. We were destined to have the experience. It was Divinely given to us, our gift, which we could do with it as we wished. It could make us a victim, or it could make us a hero. It could hinder our life, or enhance our life. It is OURS.
I had decided as a child that I would make the most of my life and the situations that presented themselves to me. From a very young age, I understood that life was full of lessons, and I took it as my job to figure out the lessons I was meant to learn. As I have gotten older, I have realized that I don’t need to explore EACH lesson. Some are just meant to be experienced, Blessed, and then move on.
So I will continue to ponder this issue of trust. And in my next blog, I will address the spiritual experience that came to me from this emotional state.