Well, just as Rome was not built in a day, neither did I find myself in one day, but there was a pivotal moment that changed my life and helped me find out who I was.
Life is truly hard to understand if you live what might be considered a perfect life: a great family, supportive friends, good neighbors, fun vacations, etc., only to have it all fall apart in one instance. A family death. A cheating husband. A dying child. All of these are pivotal moments. All of these are painful moments that seem like their own eternity. All of these define who we are today.
My pivotal moment came eleven years ago. My alcoholic husband had been lying to me about quitting drinking, and when I confronted him, while he was drunk, I saw such rage and hatred and intense anger and pain in his eyes, and at the moment, those feelings were directed at me. The person confronting him.
It took my breath away. I was actually scared for a moment, when I saw those emotions in his eyes. He quickly covered them up again, buried them inside himself for future evaluation, but for the moment, I was shook to my core.
It was that pivotal moment that I realized that I may not be able to depend on him anymore. I always liken that moment to the expression, “you were there to catch me when I fall.” Up to that point, I truly believed that he “had my back.” But when I saw the hurt and anger in his eyes, directed at me for that moment, I realized that my support system could suddenly fall away, and I would be stuck with… me.
Okay, before you start to feel sorry for me, as I said, that was eleven years ago, and he stopped drinking three days later. We went to counselling for a few months. He continued on with AA for a couple years. We are good. He is good. Life is good.
But I changed that day. I started to become the person you see today. I began the process of rearranging my life to decrease the drama. I sorted out a few friends who were not supportive of me or whose energy was always negative. I sought out new friends who would provide me with positive energy. I founded a career as a women’s wellness consultant, allowing me to be around wonderful women who are on their own path of self-enlightenment.
As soon as we recognize that pivotal moment as a growth opportunity, our world becomes clearer. Our purpose starts to unfold before us, one petal at a time. We begin to understand living for the moment, knowing that each moment is precious and can be pivotal.
We sometimes wish we could take away any hurt that is inflicted on our children. Take away their pain as they go through relationships, difficulties in school or work, etc. But we would be denying them their own pivotally-defining moment.
Has there been a pivotal moment that has defined who you are today? If not, you can be sure it is in your future. While we enjoy the “perfect” life, it doesn’t offer us the opportunity for self-growth, and so we must endure some hardship to truly discover the beauty of who we are, at our core.